Monae~Breaking the Habit


“He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual.”

I’ll admit that bad habits are hard to break…..yet sometimes there comes a wake up call when you’ve become  TIRED of whatever is plaguing you and you’re at your breaking point. Enough has finally become enough. How did you allow yourself to be blinded for SO LONG? How could you have ignored the signs that were RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE? I’ll tell you how…..that bitch ass Kraving. That pull which you know is WRONG as hell but at the same time your brain is trying to convince you of how right it could feel if you have your way. Yet, here enters the LIAR….

The Kraving… my life like a damn whirlwind hurricane on speed. Unexpectedly. What did he want? Why was I the target  AGAIN? I know he’s full of shit but my curiosity gets the best of me and I proceed to get the cat killed….literally and figuratively. You figure it out! My memories instantly take me back. The voice of reason is screaming at me to not fall into this hell hole. My flesh is lit and yearning… long has it been again? I’m drifting further away to a time when things were GOOD. I’m remembering how I loved his ass despite the fuckery. I reminiscing on what used to be and….I’m….hooked! There’s a chance? Should I take it? Of course I will. I’m grown. We’re grown. What’s the worse that could happen? We both know what we’re coming to do. Let’s keep it 100….right? WRONG!

PissedOffWoman.jpg image by Jyssica5150

He plans to lie. He lies when he plans….and what PISSED me off the most is that he didn’t even have the decency to tell me about it. Common courtesy? What the fuck happened to that? The ONLY reason I agreed to this ‘trip’ is because he had become single once again. Ok cool. I don’t fcuk with relationships. Remember how I was kraving him like a crackhead craved that next hit? I could never figure out what it is about him but I just couldn’t ever seem to shake the feelings. Everytime I felt like everything was ok, that habit was knocking once again. Why the hell couldn’t I kick that shit to the curb and let that be THAT! I finally figured out what the problem was: Until a woman is sick and tired of being sick and tired, NOTHING you can say to her can convince her that this man whom she’s got emotions invested into isn’t worth her energy. She has to let go in her own time. It took me 7 long years to figure this shit out. 7 fuck ass years to realize that my time had been wasted. But then again, 7 is the number of completion. The completion of years of being stupid as hell and for what reason? My heart overriding what my head had been trying to tell me for so long…HE AIN’T SHIT!

Ohhhh but this bitch Karma honey????? Please believe that this shit is coming back to claim that kraving. And boy when it does…….I’m not so much as pissed that this ‘trip’ didn’t happen. I’m pissed because he LIED about it. Why LIE? Why downplay what you’re actually feeling? How old are we here? I’ll tell you one thing though! I wouldn’t trade my intuition for anything in this world!!! My intuition told me this shit way before….I was trying to ignore but it kept on pushing. The funny thing though is I always find out. No matter what the case is, I ALWAYS FIND SHIT OUT! And the spiteful bitch in me wants to send his “Mrs”  every conversation and every picture….you know I save shit for insurance purposes! Just in case a n-word wanna be stupid as fcuk JUST LIKE HIM. What the hell do I have to lose? You fcuks with me and I will fcuk your whole world up. The spiteful bitch in me still wants to get on that plane and fcuk that whole weekend up. The spiteful bitch in me wants to blast his ass because HE LIED! Grow the fuck up! *wooosaaah* Damn……being grown up sucks at times. So while they are basking on the beach in FL…..just know….I’m not the one she needs to be worried about!

I hear Destin is nice this time of year……

 Bitch yo’ ass is GRASS and I’m the fcukin’ lawnmower…..enjoy the conversation…

Him: You should meet me in Destin this weekend.

Me: To….do…what???

Him: Just chill for the weekend

Me: You and I don’t  “just chill” and besides, don’t you have a girlfriend?

Him: Naw not anymore. Made a decision to part ways. And this is the results.

Me: What do you mean this is the result? This was a trip yall were taking together?

Him: I mean me and her are over for good. We were supposed to go this weekend.

Him: No response?

Me: I would think you’d know me better than that….not trying to be funny but it sounds so second stringish and I’m not feelin’ that.

Him: It’s so not. That’s the thing. I’m not coming at you like that nor want you to feel like that AT ALL!

Me: So enlighten me then. Like seriously.

Him: I was in a relationship and now I’m not. Of course by me being in a relationship she was first. Now that I’m not though you are the first woman that came to my mind. It’s not about being second.

Me: I understand the whole relationship thing BUT being that this was something the both of you were supposed to do together is what has me feelin’ some type of way.

Him: You really shouldn’t

Me: Why not? Seriously. Look at it from my standpoint. Me n my bf break up….me n him have a trip planned and I ask u to go. What would u think?

Him: I would ask what happened between you two. Then if you would have replied with what I said I would say it is what it is then and go. I wouldn’t look at it like I’m 2nd fiddle or anything

Me: So what happened? U can’t be done for good. She’s having ur child

Him: Naw relationship wise we are really done. She’s moving to Atlanta with her mom and grandmother

Me: Look….if you wanna see me, chill out, hang, whatever, that’s cool. But not like this. Throw out something else.

Him: What’s wrong with this?

Me: I told you  how I felt about it. Besides this is so last min.

Him: Yeah yeah. You was contemplating it so don’t gimme that last minute stuf. Well how about next weekend?

Me: Ummm don’t get beside urself. Goin’ to the game next wknd

Him: 4sho.

Him: You do me so wrong. 😦

Me: Don’t say that

Him: You do babe

Him: You backed out when you were suppose to come here before. And don’t say it’s last minute either

Me: If you were in my shoes, then maybe you’d understand my logic for why I do the things I do in regards to you. Ok I backed out when I was supposed to come. I know that. But let’s not forget how out the blue u were about me not coming anymore becuz of some storm….I don’t wanna point fingers tho cause I feel like the past should stay where it is

Him: I hear you

Him: So I f**ked up and your f**ked up. So what’s the problem now?

Me: The problem with?

Him: Not wanting to come to Destin?

Me: Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I just feel like… afterthought and idk why. That’s just how I feel. Even tho ain’t sh*t going on btwn us

Him: Well I don’t want you to ever feel that way

Me: I can’t help that

Him: Well come and I’ll prove it

Me: What are u proving

Him: That you aren’t an after thought

Me: Why r u doin this 2 me

Him: What???

Him: What am I doing “to you”?

Me: Nothing that hasn’t happened b4. Ignore

Him: Naw. Tell me. Please explain

Me: I have feelings. They won’t go away.

Him: You ain’t the only one

Him: So make this weekend happen

Him: <3<3

Him :*

Him: Silence again???

Me: I wanna see you…..but I can’t promise it’ll be this wknd.

Him: Make it happen captain

Him: LOL!

Me: Stop fcukin playin wit me man!

Me: U aint funny >:/

Him: Who’s playin

Him: Geeeeeesh

Him: Pipe down

Me: Don’t act like the temper is brand new :>

Me: No seriously

Him: It is

Him: You’ve NEVER been like this

Me: Like what??

Him: So irrate

Me: My feelings man…

Me: U tell me u done with me. U disappear.

Him: I know baby girl. Trust me I understand

Him: Ha?

Me: U must have selective memory

Him: Oh you talking about what I said. I thought you were saying tell you that now. My badf

Him: *bad

Me: And u still don’t understand why I’m so protective of myself right now in regards to you…..especially if u knew how I felt…or feel. Idk….then u reappear dropping bombs


Him: I know I know

Him: …..

Him: So we on for this weekend?

Me: Why this wknd? I’m not gon’ say yes when I’m not sure if I can.

Him: What’s stopping you?

Me: 1. Idk where in FL that is. Never been.

Me: 2. Still trying to process why ur so intent on this

Him: 1. It’s an hour from Tally. 2. Stop processing and just come

Me: Soooo that would mean I’d have to drive….by myself….18 hrs….not lookin’ good

Him: 18 hours???

Me: Exaggeration

Him: Miami to Destin is 6 maybe 7

Me: That’s still a ride. I’d rather fly but sh*t if that’s near Tally, then it’s most likely no airport

Him: Fly to Tally and I’ll get you from there. Or fly to Pensacola and I’ll get you from there

Me: Tally is out of the question. They charge out the ass

Him: Or Mobile

Him: Or New Orleans

Him: New Orleans – Jackson, MS – Biloxi, MS – Gulfport, MS – Mobile, AL – Pensacola, FL

Me: Just tell me why?

Him: Miss u




~ by Monae on October 16, 2009.

8 Responses to “Monae~Breaking the Habit”

  1. He deserves his ENTIRE life beat down!! Poh’ Lil Tink that’s now caught up in his lies…blind to the fact. She needs something to think about while she’s relaxing on the beach and in his mind he’s wishing it was you there!

    Destin is going to be even better NOW *POW*

  2. Seriously, he has some nerve. How you invite another female on a trip you were going on with your girlfriend…trifling! And they always missing someone after they did them wrong for soooo long.

  3. Ouch… The whole conversation. Wow men are so stupid. We save everything so why do it? So that you can get caught. That is just stupid. But like you say… He will get his. And when he does it won’t be to nice.

  4. Veronica is comin fo dat ass! Bam! Dont you gotta get ready for Lamaze class, bew bew?

  5. I’m with Jazzee. He Poh Lil Tink fo sho. Some men are so fucking dumb and simple. They so the same I should have them figured out by now. I’m fed up. Maybe I need to go get me a bish…

  6. Yeah… he needs his ass beat for that shit!!! I can’t stand liars!!!!! Let’s ride to Destin!!!

  7. I agree karma is a muttha fugga. You know what us women will save anything…no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time…love it!

  8. I wanna know how all of you ladies know one another…

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