“Things Fall Apart” – Veronica #8

10090049Everything was beginning to fall into place. I moved into my village apartment within 3 days of signing my lease. Miguel volunteered to come over to help put my furniture together and put up my curtains. On our first date, he mentioned his education and career aspirations. He hadn’t really brought them up since, but I’d always told him that I’d be supportive as a friend in regards to getting started again. He actually had begun his two-year degree when he was with his ex, but he was so caught up in HER that he’d quit school. His self-esteem was shot, he told me about how he didn’t think he “had what it takes” to finish. It’s really hard to watch people you care about say things of that nature, especially when you see their inner star shining so bright. He’s one of the people who could become very successful, but their constant self-pity holds them back. Miguel told me that he wanted to start school again in the fall but was very nervous. I gave him a hug and reassured him that he’d be fine because his family, friends, and myself were all behind him 100%. He beamed from ear to ear. rightcolAs usual, I cooked dinner for him so we sat on my living room floor and ate steak and potatoes. He was on his way to his dad’s house so he mentioned that the dinner for Sunday was still on. He gave me the time and place, and told me to dress fly as I always do. With tomorrow being Friday, he said he’d call when he got off work with final details.
Friday after work, I went over to Soho to find an outfit for the dinner. I calmed myself down and began to play down the seriousness of the occasion. Although I’d had other boyfriends and met their parents, this was different. His parents knew about how he was dating numerous women, but for whatever reason he chose VERONICA as his date. Plus, with the other guys it was pretty clear that I was the girlfriend..in the case i could be perceived as either the main chick OR the girlfriend. And also it would be known to both of our families that we were secretly dating. Wouldn’t that mean there was something special about me? I’m sure his mother would be ecstatic, especially since she knows how domestic I am. I ended up buying some suede pumps and a cowl neck sweater to wear with my grey slacks at home. He still hadn’t called but I knew that he occasionally worked late on Fridays.
Saturday came and still no call. I tried not to stress, but I felt like something was weird. I spent the entire day in Ikea to keep my mind off of it. 7pm came and went. I barely ate dinner because my stomach was in knots. I managed to go to sleep, but Sunday came and went just as quickly as Saturday. I forced myself to forget about it, but it was understandably difficult. Throughout the week I still hadn’t heard from him. I thought about how I could have just shown up to the restaurant since I had all the pertinent info. I tried to run through all possible scenarios. Something could have happened like a fight between his parents…maybe the reservations just didn’t work out, who knows. But it was still not like him to not call. He was the type to call he was stuck at a red light to tell me he wasn’t trying to be late on purpose.

I found myself angry and hurt. I didn’t know whether or not to confront him because I was so emotional. Finally on Thursday I sent him a basic “Hey” text message as I was in the salon getting my hair done. He was very casual – “Hey V, what you up to?” My stomach dropped to the floor. I thought his initial reaction would’ve been “I’m sorry about the dinner.” I was pissed and there was no way anyone could calm me down at that point. I replied “what happened with Sunday? I waited for your call.” His response was “Something came up, plus I didn’t think it was that big of a deal to tell you. But if you feel like I hurt you, then I guess I’m sorry.”

I guess?!?! Motherfucker!
When did he become so inconsiderate and insensitive? What is his fucking problem? When did he decide to become such an asshole towards me? why would he go through the courtesy of telling me where and when the dinner was if he was going to play me to the left like this? I sat and racked my brain as to what valid excuses he could have for not calling me, other than the fact that maybe he decided to take a different date instead. I just can’t imagine what I could’ve done. I wanted answers, but then again I didn’t. It may seem strange but I took our friendship quite seriously. We were friends before the sex so I had an attachment wayyy before our relationship changed. I think I would have felt better if he’d just sent a text saying “fuck you and your feelings.” I tried to replay our last encounters to figure out if maybe I’d said something to piss him off but all I remember is our laughter. Last time I saw him he was hanging up my curtains and kissing my face. I didn’t do anything wrong, so why am I blaming myself for this? I felt my anger grow more and more by the minute…feels like I’m retreating back to my young, beautiful, bitter self.
dead rose


~ by A. Nicole on November 9, 2009.

2 Responses to ““Things Fall Apart” – Veronica #8”

  1. Common courtesy is something that you have to request these days I guess. If it wasn’t such a big deal he shouldn’t have been inviting you to a “family” dinner!

  2. Been there b4 if someone agrees to make plans with you, and ur waiting to see em and they never show. Drives you nuts with emotion. That really hurts…I can relate

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