Corey, Post #2: I Found out on Facebook? For Real?

I immediately pressed SEND to the text message I had typed. It would be amazing to catch up with her. Reina was an old flame who I always had fun with until we parted ways in undergrad. I hadn’t talked to her in two years or so, but we always had engaging conversation about any and everything. And on top of that, she was not afraid to talk some serious trash- All things that I craved since I was fiending for some female company. The best thing about it was that it wasn’t a blind date, much less a new person. Damn, what a relief!  As I day dreamed for a second, I received another text message: “I’m on the way. Where can we meet? at Cyclone Anaya’s by your place?”

Shit. I swore she was talking about tomorrow, or maybe the weekend. I was in the middle of crushing a spreadsheet during a home office day. I was unshaven, sitting in a pair of basketball shorts and a white tee and she was on her way? Shit. Clearly getting a good case of the pre-date jitters for no damn reason, right? Reina’s coming for a friendly drink. I did this all the time right? Yeah, yeah I did so this shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s just a drink. As my heart continued to fail at talking me out of my nervousness, my brain navigated my body to the bathroom. I shaved and meticulously washed every little nook and cranny of my body. I made sure I sprayed myself with  Calvin Klein Eternity- she bought me some for a Christmas present ages ago. Hell, You’d have thought I was going to propose to her. She was on the road 40 minutes ago, and I wasn’t even outta the door yet. Ugh, I’m gonna be late!

Anxiety is Kickin in!!!

Fortunately, I beat her to Cyclone Anayas. I quickly ordered a rum and coke to calm my nerves. That proved to have little to no effect when Reina, the poster girl of sensory overload, opened the door and headed to the bar. She walked up with a pencil skirt that drew her sultry curves all the way up to her blouse. Her blouse was opened to the point that her neckline teetering between sexy business casual and naughty executive. She had her hair held up with a pen, which made me consider she was shooting for the latter. Her makeup, though complimentary, did her caramel skin a grave injustice. All of this combined with a “Hey Corey” through vocal cords completely comprised of hot sex made me realize I needed another drink. BARTENDER!

Spending Time with Reina was a Breath of Fresh Air.

When she sat down and I realized this wasn’t just some dirty dream, I relaxed and we began to chat. It was so refreshing to catch up on old times, and even funnier to hear some of her takes on current events and other spontaneous topics that would burst out as the drinks kept coming. We were loud as hell like we owned the bar until she stopped me mid-sentence. “Corey, I have to ask you a question after I come back from the restroom.” She ran off, and left me in a bit of confusion. I couldn’t even fathom what was on her mind, and I wasn’t even about to try.

When she came back, the first thing she asked me about was Cassandra. I stopped for a second and explained how much of an idiot I was for waiting on Cassandra to break up with that dude. She smiled, said “You were always a bit of a softie,” and kept sipping her margarita. I asked about any boyfriends since I caught up with her, in particular a guy named Tim Smithers that she dated and was infatuated with on Facebook a few years back. She looked at me, looked down and started stirring her drink. I knew she was hiding something. I asked her what, and she replied, honestly, “Smithers was cool and all, a perfect gentleman and even better friend, but…He just couldn’t CUT it…” When she mentioned he couldn’t cut it, she gave me that look and bit her lips. I knew that years ago to mean she had something else on her mind.

“Corey, what I want to ask you is, umm, well…um…” She looked as nervous as I was earlier. To try and break the Ice, I decided to be a smartass. “Reina, If you want to ask to come over to my place for reminder sex, I gotta get some rubbers on the way. You know I don’t ride dirty, and I never have, hehehe.” She looked back at me with a smile, and sighed. “Corey, how’d you know I wanted to come over? And you don’t have to stop by the way, I picked up a box on the way here.” I choked on my drink. I thought to myself “Corey, she was definitely going for the naughty executive look.” With nervousness consuming me, I pointed to the bartender again and tapped my glass. ANOTHER DRINK PLEASE!

Even the sex was like the old times. We clearly were no longer sex-starved. We ravenously feasted in our sexual escapades. As we laid on the bed, mostly trying to catch our breath from the passed session, we stared right through each other. Part of me was trying to figure out if this spark was for real, and not because I was drunk, and fresh off unintentional months of celibacy. She thanked me for the evening, and then headed back to Beaumont. And even though my flesh was satisfied, my mind wasn’t. We had fun, but there was something missing. And I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Fast Forward Two Months…

I hadn’t heard from Reina for a few months with the exception of a few joking text messages here and there. I finished up work for the day and decided to check Facebook. The first Thing I saw in my feed was Reina. In a wedding dress. With her last name changed to Smithers. This didn’t make any sense. Especially since her status was, I can’t believe it’s been six months of holy matrimony. February seems so far away! It was now August. We slept together in June. I was a fucking splackavellie.

Splackavellie (pronounced Splack-Uh-Vell-ee) n. meaning: A brotha she can call when her man aint doin her right, he can work it all night. Until the morning light, make her feel right, right right. He ain’t your boyfriend, he ain’t your husband. Just somebody you can call when your body needs a fix: Made famous by a group in the 90’s called Pressha. Click for a link to the song.

I call that shit a homewrecker. After I rubbed the bible on myself, I called Reina. She tried to explain. “Yeah, I’m kinda married.” KINDA? FOR REAL? In my frustration, all I could say was “Have a nice life.” I hung up the phone as she tried to explain. And immediately de-friended her on facebook. Bitch move? Yeah, but I didn’t want the reminder that I fucked a married woman staring me in the face every day.

I'm Kickin you off my Buddy List.

Fast Forward to Today…

I had just got off the phone with a girl I wanted to date and rolled over for sleep. My phone rang again and instead of looking at the phone, I immediately answered. “Hi Corey,” The sexy voice said. “Its Reina, I’m divorced now, and I think it’s time that Elijah got his new mommy and we had some kids too.” I smiled and said “Hold that thought.” And hung the phone up.

You cut off. Game. Set. Match.

My telephone went off again. “Reina Smithers would like to add you as a friend on Facebook. You Have 5 Friends in Common.”

Ignore This user.

Soundtrack for post 3: Madvillain: Fancy Clown


~ by dtony1 on December 29, 2009.

9 Responses to “Corey, Post #2: I Found out on Facebook? For Real?”

  1. Just the right amount of bitchy!
    Enjoyable read.

  2. She deserves a #SLAP! That’s some underhanded ho sh*t! Did she conveniently ‘forget’ that she promised herself to someone FOREVER before God for better or worse (the worse being him not being able to “cut it”) and then had the nerve to try to slide her way back into the mix after this divorce that was clearly imminent?! GTFOH. I’m glad she got the boot. If you give me time to find my five and half inch high stiletto boot, I’ll kick her FOR REAL!

  3. The term blank stare came to mind. I couldn’t believe that she could do that with no shame. Just proves that men and women are clearly capable of cheating. And this chick wasn’t smooth at all.

    Marriage is not something to take lightly. That’s why I’d rather take my time before I’d screw up a covenant between God and man.

  4. Wow the worst women always get the damn man. She was too trifling. I’m glad you walked away from her stupidity. This was a great read. Keep up the good work.

  5. that was some straight bullshit
    you are better than me…
    she makes good women look bad….

  6. Another trifling person to add to the list!

  7. I enjoyed reading this entry, some women have no shame! but it’s nice to see a guy that does not play like that.. keep up the good work and don’t make us wait too long for the next entry though..

  8. She’s just horrible! Glad you ran for the hills! Great read!

  9. OMG!! This was a good one… I’m gonna have to read everything when I get home from work LOL

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