Monae~Temptation Is A Mutha’…

So many thoughts were running through my mind and I was unable to sleep. My eyes flew open and began searching for the brightly lit alarm clock on my nightstand. There was no light illuminating anywhere. “That’s strange…did I knock it down?” Actually, the room was pitch black and I’ve always needed some type of light at night. I proceeded to move to find my Blackberry and felt an arm pulling me back…What.The.Fcuk? Soon my mind became clearer and I realized where I was and that I wasn’t alone. “Oh shit..!” “What’s wrong Mo? Are you still feeling sick?” Damn…he was up..and what did he mean was I still feeling sick? I felt fine. “Ummm, no Khoury. I feel fine. Why?” I quickly began feeling for my clothes. I don’t remember coming to his house….or going to sleep in his bed. This can NOT be real! “Nothing happened Monae….if that’s what you’re wondering.” I was so embarrassed & annoyed that I could not piece together how I ended up here…in his bed…all up under him. My eyes began burning with tears of frustration….ooooh I will NOT cry! “Let me refresh your memory…I just sense that you’re having a hard time….”

The night of the Christmas party completely changed the relationship between Khoury and I.  While he literally demanded that I not ever put him on the back burner again (that totally turned me on…I like a li’l rough demeanor), I actually had no problem with the fact that he wanted to be in my life more. Once I gave him his gift, the look on his face, the heartfelt words of appreciation and the panty droppin’, gimme some more, take me to bed right NAH kiss he gave me spoke volumes. I dare NOT let him get away again! Sooo we’re dating. I’m still afraid of the title “relationship” ….baby steps guys! We spent almost every day after that together. I was still afraid to spend the night with him because of these….urges. When you’ve been in an involuntary drought as long as I have….let’s just say it wouldn’t take much for me to spreaddddd. Especially for him! (Inner whore action going). New Year’s Eve was rapidly approaching and he told me he’d made plans for us to spend it together. I was so excited and nervous! I’m low key superstitious…I believe in setting the tone for bringing in the New Year and he’d just made it near perfect!

We ended up at some swanky gathering at the Eden Roc on Miami Beach. I definitely was NOT complaining! Apparently this was an annual New Year’s Eve event because there were people and even a few celebrities from all over. Khoury was seemingly well known as he kept introducing me to those he deemed “in the know”. I smiled to myself and relished in how good I felt at this point. A waiter was walking around serving these special NYE Sparkle Martinis. I had no idea what was in them but they were GOOD! I was already on my 3rd glass and feelin’ a bit lit! I left Khoury to walk around and get a better view of this place. I was already plotting all sorts of reasons to “getaway” and was so caught up in my own thoughts that I literally bumped into someone. “Oh I’m so sorry! I should’ve…..” My words trailed off once I realized who it was….”Maurice?!” “Well, well, well….if it isn’t Ms. Monae.”  ***Backstory on Maurice: I met him in undergrad. We hung out a couple times…..some how ending up  sleeping together which was unfulfilling the first time until curiousity led us to try again and it was on and poppin’ ever since. I labeled him as the one that never was. I LUH-UVED him…pregnancy scares and I still loved him. Other men came and went in my life, yet I still loved him…unnecessary arguments and my jealousy of the other women who he made important in his life and I still loved him. I wanted him to be THE ONE. Unfortunately life happens, we graduated and went our separate ways. We used to keep in contact but that eventually stopped…..was it fate that our paths had crossed once again?

We ended up on an outside balcony reminiscing as I kept chugging down those Sparkle-tinis. We exchanged contact information and by this time I was fully aware of the fact that I was drunk and fully aware of the fact that I still had feelings for Maurice. My eyes kept watching his lips as he talked and very boldly made their way down to scope out the print in between his legs. He told me was in town for the NYE Affair and would be heading back home to North Carolina in the morning and really wanted me to spend the night with him. Wait…so he was alone? Hmmm….I reached in my purse to glance at my Blackberry for a time check and saw that it was 11:45 and I had three missed texts…..what the hell was I doing!? I sighed loudly and tried to pull it together. I needed to find Khoury. I couldn’t believe I was about to give in to this….but wait…technically I was still single. Did Khoury intend for me to spend THIS night with him as well. “SNAP OUT OF IT MONAE!”….I was battling my conscience now. All of a sudden, my stomach began to do flip flops…oh no, was all the alchohol I’d consumed coming back up?! I quickly covered my mouth…it was a false alarm but I was beyond embarrassed. Tears begin to fill my eyes…I’m an emotional drunk. Don’t judge me. My stomach began to churn again and this time I dry heaved. Noooo, not tonight! Please not tonight! Maurice began to look concerned while asking if I was ok. I had to get away from him and find Khoury…..soon the tears began splashing down my face. What the HELL was wrong with me?! I’m about to be like Jamie and blame it on the alchohol!

As luck would have it, Khoury was about to step out of the same elevator I had stepped into.  “Mo, where you been all night? Five minutes until 2010….where’s the mistletoe?” He laughed at his own joke and I was so confused and sick to my stomach that I dry heaved again and was full on crying by then. “What’s wrong Monae? Are you sick?” “Khoury I’m soooo sorrry…I didn’t mean it. I didn’t do anything. I’m sorrrry.” “Mo, why are you apologizing?” I collapsed into his arms and brought in 2010 blacked out. Khoury ended up taking me to his house and putting me to bed. What a way to start the new year! SMH…..”So I guess I’ve screwed up any chances for you to take me anywhere huh?” He laughed slightly. “Nah…everyone deserves second chances. I won’t hold this against you.” I winced at the pounding in my head. “I’ll go get you some water to take the pills that I know you’re going to need.” How the hell did he just KNOW me that well?! It weirded me out sometimes. I went to check my Blackberry and it was bombarded by the usual barrage of “Happy New Year” text messages.  There were two emails in my personal folder which was strange. Only a handful of people had that address and why would they be sending New Year emails? When I opened and skimmed over it, I was at a lost for words:

Mo….

I feel bad that you left me the way that you did last night. I wanted to be with YOU at midnight but you ran off so quickly. I know you felt the vibes between us…I don’t remember you telling me that you had a man either. I feel like we have some unfinished business..I want to see you and who knows…begin where we left off. By the time you read this I’ll be on a plane headed back to NC…but just so you know I’m serious about this, I bought you a ticket to come see me next weekend. Call me when you get it babe…Maurice

I quickly went to check the next email and sure enough it was an E-ticket to North Carolina…..what the heck had I gotten myself into now?! I didn’t overexaggerate those feelings that I was having for Maurice…did I? Butterflies began to form in my stomach. I heard Khoury returning upstairs and I threw my Blackberry down so fast, you would’ve thought it was burning a hole in my hand. What do I do? Should I stay or should I go? Temptation is a muthafcuka…..and I felt myself quickly falling victim to its trap. Happy Fcukin’ New Year to me……

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~ by Monae on January 5, 2010.

4 Responses to “Monae~Temptation Is A Mutha’…”

  1. He’s really trying to reel you in…e-ticket and all!

  2. Wow! This is hard. I guess you’d have to decide who you REALLY want to be with and go for it. Good luck girly!

  3. was it an open ticket? if so, i’d wait and see where things go with Khoury. I know Monae doesn’t do long-distance relationships, and Khoury is HERE!

    i’ll just be glad when this inner whore is unleashed. gosh.

  4. That’s crazy. I have been there when you are torn between the two. But in the same breath, long distance relationships can be a beast. I hope that’s an open ticket too, so that you don’t have to make an immediate decision!

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