“Love, Thought You Had My Back”- Veronica #14

During the ins and outs of my relationship with RJ in college, I admittedly dated other people. After our first breakup, I immediately began pursuing someone else in fear that I was wasting my time with RJ. I began seeing Andre. We met in Charlotte at the mall even though I hadn’t really thought twice about him after exchanging numbers. After 3 months of texting and phone-boning, I drove down to Charlotte for the weekend to stay with him. It was amazing to have a man shower me with so much attention. He even cooked for me and gave me a massage!

Did I mention that he’s 6’3 with dimples? Yes, this is something I could look forward to! Honestly he’d made me feel better than I’d felt in years!

Then it happened. The worst sex ever. You ever seen two gerbils humping? Well, that’s basically how it went down. I just couldn’t imagine a man THAT passionate and that infatuated could produce such a piss poor performance. I refused to hold it against him, but I just couldn’t let go of how horrible it was! I still continued to see him……from afar!

I ended up dumping him because he called me stupid during a debate on rappers. I saw that as a sign of future abuse to come, so I ran. He literally called me every day for 6 months, begging and crying for another chance. Not only did I still feel anger for the name-calling, but I was also angry at his chihuahua humping. There were as many wrongs as there were rights, so I was done.

For whatever reason, we actually never completely lost contact. He continued to send “I Love You” and “I’m Sorry” messages for the next 3 years, even after I went back to RJ and started dating another guy after our second breakup. Andre sent poems and would send a message saying “play this song, it makes me think of you.” I remember one day his ass told me to play Minnie Riperton “Loving You.” Yes, he is a little strange. Unfortunately I would sometimes respond out of complete boredom. I let him know that I didn’t think we had a future, especially after the gerbil fuck-fest and he apologized for his lack of stroke. I didn’t really want to go into detail, so I changed the subject and we talked about our career goals and such.

Fastforward to today. Andre is still popping up after 4 years. We maintained somewhat of a friendship, and I just couldn’t understand why he kept coming around while all the others disappeared.Was it a sign? I actually considered entertaining the idea of us reconnecting on a romantic level seeing that he had matured after 4 years. Yes, I was crazy and he is crazier. I still remembered all of the long talks we shared and how comfortable I was around him. Let’s be real here, everyone becomes a better lay after 4 years. I couldn’t hold that against him anymore. I was trying to understand why he still wanted me. He claimed that I was the love of his life and he regretted his mistakes, and a few of my friends suggested that I just allow things to happen naturally. I told him that I wanted to take things super slow until I’m completely ready to open up and trust again.

He asked if he could visit me for the weekend and I agreed. I figured that after speaking weekly for 4 months, it would be okay. I laid down the rules of his visit. NO SEX! Honestly I just never got over the past and I didn’t want us to re-build anything based on sex. I hadn’t seen him in 4 years anyway. AWKWARD! He took the bus from DC and I met him on Canal Street. He looked elated to see me as I appeared unmoved. I didn’t know what would happen that weekend. I cooked thai food for dinner that night as he dominated the tv and watched ESPN. He massaged my shoulders and neck, putting me at ease. The weekend was cool, yet I found myself acting cold towards him due to the residue of Miguel on my mind and heart. Andre said he understood that I’d just ended a strange relationship, so I was very appreciative of that. I tried harder to make him feel like he hadn’t played himself by coming to visit. We met up with his old high school friends and his girlfriend for a double date and we had a great time.
We stayed up all night pillow fighting until about 3am. I gave him a hug before falling asleep to assure him that everything was fine between us. As I left for work Monday, he packed his things. We hugged goodbye and he said he would call. I never heard from him again.

Here I was, alone again. Since Veronica is the common denominator, I tried to think about what I could have done to send him running. I couldn’t understand. Luckily for me, I’ve learned how to become less involved since the last breakup with RJ. I just dont give a fuck anymore.



~ by A. Nicole on January 6, 2010.

5 Responses to ““Love, Thought You Had My Back”- Veronica #14”

  1. humm, maybe…humm ion know soror….

  2. you dunno what?

  3. That residue from a tough relationship can push people away. He said he understood, but maybe he truly didn’t?

  4. his chapter isn’t over either…..i’ll explain later

  5. I’m mad at Andre and that wack ass peen…and then he has to nerve to be cocky. GTFOH. He needs an out of order stamp.

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