“Complicated”- Veronica #16

Two months had passed since my aunt’s birthday dinner. I was on my way to the airport for a business trip when I realized I hadn’t heard from Miguel since. I found it amusing as usual, and smiled as my limo driver opened my door for me at the terminal. Luckily I had no delays from JFK to Charlotte Airport, so I sat in the Delta Sky Travelers Lounge until it was time to board. I checked my emails and noticed two from both Andre and Malik. For why? They both essentially stated how much they missed me and couldn’t get me out of their thoughts, no matter how hard they tried. I was the epicenter of their heart, and they desperately wanted to reach me.

BLAH.

Once I arrived back to JFK the next day, I got all of my missed messages from my flight, and they were all from Miguel. I immediately reached for my leftover mini bottle of Chardonnay from the plane. I exhaled, and began to scroll.

Message 1: V, hey I know it’s been a long time. Lately i’ve been keeping a distance between me and other people, I just get in these moods where I crawl into a hole for weeks at a time. I just wanted to explain myself because I owe you that much.

Message 2: I know you probably think some terrible things about me, and I understand. I haven’t exactly presented myself in a way that would alllow you to think any different. Yes, I have treated you wrong for not speaking to you. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you have been perfect. Maybe that’s what scares me. And I dont want you to

Message 3: blame yourself for any of this. I’m a little fucked up in the head and you deserve better. I don’t want a commitment right now, and you don’t deserve to be a part of my madness. Meaning I don’t want to see you and other women at the same time cuz you’re better than that. But who knows what the future holds…

Message 4: I didn’t know how to come at you really, especially after my mom’s dinner and I brought that girl with me. I probably should’ve gave you the heads up but I decided to come at the last minute, and me and her had been hangin out all day. But it’s not what you think, she’s a coworker.

Message 5: Maybe one day we can straighten all this out. I miss having you around.

********************************************************************************

Now can I just stop right here and say WHAT THE FUCK? This is supposed to make sense, or ease my mind? Did he really think that I was sitting by the phone hoping he’d enlighten me on his crazy behavior? Not at all. Yes, I’d gotten used to having him in my life but it was becoming very easy to forget that he was ever there.

I paid the cab driver and walked inside my apartment. My phone rings…..I answered on the fifth ring. “Aye V, you got my messages? I was rambling, I know *chuckle*

Dryly I responded, “yes Miguel, I got ALL your messages.” Insert awkward silence. I kicked off my Calvin Klein flats , took off my jeans, and laid across my duvet. Then I let him have it.

“Miguel, I don’t really like playing games with anyone that I’m dealing with. I understood from day one that you didn’t want a commitment and I never once asked you for anything. You were the one acting as if you’re in a relationship when in reality you aren’t. I was never sitting here wondering who you were with or if you were thinking of me. Why? Veronica has her own life. Veronica is happy. Yes we had a lot of great times but I just dont particularly care for people who aren’t honest and in control of their own feelings. Miguel, if you wanna bring a date to a party then that’s fine. I’m not sure why that was necessary to bring some supposed coworker to a family event but that’s just how you felt. You have to realize that I’m a lot smarter than what you give me credit. I’ve already done the dating, the serious relationships, and the in-betweens. That shit got old before I even left college. One thing that I prefer is simple ass stability. I don’t do the “come-and-go” thing, so I’d just rather be alone. And if you think about it, I really don’t know THAT much about you. I know your likes and dislikes, but you refuse to share yourself with me so I truly can’t get mad anyway. It’s not as if you have been open and honest the entire time. Everything is a secret with you. At the end of the day, people come and go. That’s life. I appreciate you for your messages, but let’s be honest, you didn’t owe me anything.”

Miguel gasped. I heard it, he was thrown off guard. He knew I was like a pitbull when he met me, not sure why he was surprised.

That was a hard pill to swallow, and he needed to take it all in. “Yo V, i hear you but i felt bad. i mean, the right thing for me to do was to call you and just let you know about me bringing somebody to that dinner. i promise she is JUST a friend, we were hangin out and I remembered about that dayum dinner at the last minute. but nah, that girl means nothing.”

“Miguel, I heard you the first time. But if we aren’t together, why should I care who you’re dating? I really don’t.”

“Veronica, like for real. You know I don’t get down like that, she ain’t even my type. Look at her, and look at you, big difference.”

“Miguel, if we’re just friends, why does it even matter if I’m your type or not?” More silence. I was getting bored with this conversation and I wanted it to end. He was lying, and I was getting irritated. If you’re sleeping with some chick at your job, that is YOUR mess. Veronica feels bad for her, because she is probably thinking the two of ya’ll will be together. And of course she has no idea who I am because you didn’t even have the decency to introduce her to anyone. I could’ve just said all of this, but then that would encourage more dialogue and my ass was ready to hang up the phone and get some curry shrimp from the Jamaican restaurant.

The useless banter continued for the next 15 minutes. I’d already ordered my food online and waited for the buzzer to ring. Miguel mentioned that he wanted to see me tonight. I stood by my door with a blank stare. Dayum I hadn’t had any action in 4 months, ugh. I was confused. I definitely don’t want HIM, but I wanted THAT.

“Hello, Veronica, you there? Hello?”

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~ by A. Nicole on January 20, 2010.

2 Responses to ““Complicated”- Veronica #16”

  1. Love the story and knowing if you keep letting him in he will NEVER let you go. A good woman is hard to find and even harder to keep. Can’t wait for the next posts!

  2. Oh Lord…going back to the island peen! You can never escape!

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