Corey Post#7: Walking Paradox

In the ashes of yet another burned down crackhouse of an attempted relationship, I was emotionally burned out. I was at the point to where I wouldn’t even give any relationship advice. I was completely jaded, on some “Eff Love, if I can’t have it, no one can type stuff. That was, until Matt called. Me and Matt go way back to Summer Job foolishness. Working with kids and trying to stay out of trouble until school started. It’s funny how close we are because we rarely caught up with each other via phone, so I knew it had to be serious. Unfortunately, it was a girl problem.

“Corey, maaaaaaaaaan….” (The multiple A’s gave me a for sure that this was going to be a good one.) Man, let me tell you about my situation. My conscience would not allow me to turn Matt away from helping, despite the fact my heart hurt so badly.

Well, it turns out that Matt had met this girl on My Space, likely after I told him how great my experience was, and she turned out to be a keeper. From what I could understand, she had it going on. She was a chemist, and put herself through school in three years. She was working on her master’s and was on a presidential scholarship. More importantly, she was out and about too. She started a non- profit org for underprivileged kids, and a plus to me is that she was one of my sorority sisters. But in my jaded, little world, I decided to play devil’s advocate. Not because I cared, but moreso because I was still salty at love.

“Matt, The hell is the catch? Is she crazy?”

“Maaaaaaaaaaaan…I dunno how to explain it, but she says one thing, and does the other thing, and then everything is all jacked up, and…”

“Matt. You are making little to no sense. Explain.”

Methinks she could be a bit crazy...

He explained alright. Apparently they made plans to hit South Beach together. Since they were flying from two different cities, Matt told her that he would pay for everything, especially the rental and would pick her up when her flight landed. But she didn’t want one rental. She wanted two. She felt that since she was an Independent Beyonce, she needed no man to drive her around. (Note she shall be called Beyonce for the rest of the blog) The punch line? Matt got cursed out because he wasn’t there to pick her up. Apparently, “I want my own rental car for me” means you better pick me up in Beyonce.

Then to “punish” Matt, she took up lodging at another hotel and told him to lose her number. But then got mad because he “wasn’t a man” and didn’t check up on her even though she made it clear the date was over.

Vexing Information.

“Corey Maaaan, check her page. Look at her status updates”

So as I viewed SexiiLadiiLilli’s MySpace, I saw her ever changing opinion about men.

October 1st: “I need a man who will take care of me like I deserve…”

October 2nd: “ Niggas only want these hoes that spread their legs for em. I never have to do that! Diva!”

October 8th: “Men are like condoms, I just use ‘em and throw them away. Kobe!”

October 10th: “Where is my knight in shining Armor?”

A hodgepodge of contradictions, for sure. And so, as I anxiously awaited the termination story, Matt then asks me:

“So what do I do for our date tonight if she acts up?”

Yeah, sounds crazy to me.


I’m certain he could hear the stare on my face from my dead silence. I wanted to ask him if he was serious, but it was too late. He was already at her house. He’d been talkin to me on the cell phone the whole way to her place. Asshole. I guess this was all a big vent session after all- Then 3:46 AM came, and my work cell phone went off. Frustrated, thinking I may have to go to work at the ass-crack of dawn, I answered the phone in the best corporate voice without the sleep in it. “Hello?”


“What. The. Hell. Do. You. Want.”

“Man, we went to the club tonight and she asked me to get her a drink. I came back with her Martini and this heifer was dancing with another dude maaaaaaaan!”

“Ugh. What did you do?”

“She looked at me told me she was good with the dude she was kickin it with. I drank the Martini in her face and gave her the finger. Then I walked cleeeeeean out that bitch fool. I wasn’t havin that. And she chased me out the club cryin talkin bout how she needed me.”

“Please tell me you didn’t let her get away with that mess.”

“Naw man, I only kissed her on the cheek.”

I hung up.

Neither of them knew what they wanted. This was the result.

It was a definite waste of my time. I had to be up and go to work in the morning, and this fool is talking about a needy-independent girl and his lame complaints. How could he complain about how she treated him like trash but he kept running back?

Then again, that sounds similar to my feelings for Cassandra. We were still good friends, and I missed her at times, no lie. But she had a man. And I, was failing dating and I was alone. That morning I called to check on Elijah, and Cass picked the phone up.

“Hey Cass. How’s my seed doing? Hopefully terrorizing you.”

“Ha Corey, you got jokes. He’s good. I do have something to tell you though. Me and My boyfriend Sergio went to McDonalds and ate inside, you know, like we used to.”

“Okay? Annnd?”

“Well, I aimed and blew my straw paper at him like I used to do to you. He really got mad and told me not to act like a kid. It made me think about you. I miss you.”


“Ummm, well, I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

I was silent. I really didn’t know what to say. How dare she even say that to me? What the Hell?

And so I parted my lips to make my answer, I was saved by the bell. Well, maybe the boyfriend. Sergio rang the doorbell to visit, and I hung the phone up.

I can’t believe I almost said it back. Damn. Where’s that Redman CD?


~ by dtony1 on February 18, 2010.

5 Responses to “Corey Post#7: Walking Paradox”

  1. I’m inclined to believe that there is always something wrong with any chick that you meet off of Myspace – just don’t do it, unless you’re just do it for a hit and quick, then it’s okay, otherwise, stay away.

    Girls are all retarded, btw. I think you really can’t pay attention to anythings chick say, cuz their words are too based on emotions at the given second – yes, second, because their emotions change by the second. Don’t pay attention to what chicks say, it’s all nonsense…. pay attention to their actions – if she’s making effort to get your attention and/or please you, then she’s into you – if she’s not making real effort, then she’s just all talk.

  2. WHUT THEE FCUK! Fool is clearly in the wrong body right now. He’s displaying all the characteristics of a woman trying to hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held. All the signs are there in his face, he knows the situation isn’t quite right but he keeps running back for more only to end up slapped in the face yet AGAIN….SMH. He doesn’t want advice…he just wants someone to validate his ass for these backwards actions. #NoBueno

  3. Independent = Illuminati. Women say they’re independent in a heartbeat, but in the same breath ask for a man w/ $$? What is that? the only women claiming to be independent now are the lonelies.

  4. he wanted someone to say “nah Matt, you aren’t stupid!”

  5. yeah he really just wants someone to co-sign. both of them are retarded…ugh

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