Monae~White Lies…

Ok readers…….so I haven’t been very straightforward. The past couple of weeks I’ve struggled with if I should actually reveal the truth or basically try to keep up “appearances” for those who REALLY shouldn’t matter but people can be so judgmental. They form their own opinion from mere words….especially when they are only partially aware of what’s going on. They take bits and pieces of information and use it to recreate what they want to believe. I know I can’t help what others do with what they see but what the hell, I owe it to the readers to be truthful. After all, you gotta give them something to keep them coming back for more 😉 When it all boils down to it, I’m a GROWN ASS WOMAN who has to answer to no one but the man upstairs. I never proclaimed to be perfect. I’m an imperfect human being and a self-proclaimed sucker for love. I never put on airs as if I were pure (CLEARLY) so feel how you must after this is all said because it’s already been done. No do overs needed. I made the choice I felt was best for me. So gather around while I pour you this cup of T…..

You never REALLY get over the one who your soul LOVES. Try as you may to see other people, attempt to fall in love with someone new, occupy your time and your thoughts with an engaging potential but in the back of your mind the residue of them will always linger. It’s been said that you should never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about about. Needless to say, I followed my heart….and it led me straight………back……………to…………….Him. Fcuk cocaine! LOVE is a hell of a DRUG 😉 This was hard as hell for me. I’m prideful….I’m stubborn… was I supposed to get this ‘tude in order to stake my claim? A lot of attitude adjustments and prayer! This was one project that I kept to MYSELF….apparently. I didn’t feel like hearing how stupid I was or how I needed to leave the past in the past. A woman on a mission just can’t be bothered! Indeed a GREAT and FRUITFUL mission this turned out to be. *big sigh*

The task I have on my hands NOW is way more stressful and sensitive to the party involved…..because you see….yes I’m pregnant BUT……………….man fcuk it, we are all grown here. Maurice is not the father. Say what you must, think how you may. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Are you done? Oh well, life goes on. I’m imagining your question is now, “But wait Monae, if you knew Maurice wasn’t the father, how come you told him you were pregnant!?!!??” Every woman wants their fairy tale to come true. Every woman wants to experience their knight in shining armor coming to rescue them and live happily ever after. Cliche as it may sound, I dare ANYONE to tell me that it isn’t what they’ve once or twice dreamed of. Maurice was my knight in shining armor. Even though I still had feelings for Him….he wasn’t giving me what I wanted. We sexed each other again a couple of times to ‘get it out our systems’ (yeah right. I’m no fool) but hey I had no complaints because it was what I wanted. We’ve all been there before. I never would have imagined that this would be the result though…..funny how sh*t turns out.

Maurice….Maurice….what do I do. I feel bad….I do…but I’m thinking dude is really overlooking the fact that there’s no way this could be his kid. I’m too far along for a baby conception between us to make scientific sense AND I made sure we had a stock of Baby Be Gone! No mishaps could be afforded…..stuck like chuck again Monae. I told Him and he has a surprising change of heart….Maury isn’t needed cause HE’s indeed the damn daddy…in a situation. Is that MY concern? No. *shrugs*

So there you have it…..I bet you wish you’d never wondered now….choke on that truth.


~ by Monae on March 17, 2010.

2 Responses to “Monae~White Lies…”

  1. Girl you have to follow your heart. No judgements here.

  2. Ha ha! Pow!!
    I don’t judge hun 🙂

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