Monae~Daddy’s Home

His hands ran down my stomach slowly…..as if he were trying to convince himself of what was literally right in front of his face. There was a telling little pudge now. I felt as though I was waiting for a life changing announcement. My breath became short and my pulse began to speed up. It had been awhile since we’d been….this close to each other. My heartbeat was steadily increasing…..who knew he still had this much power over me. I couldn’t understand the feelings that were coursing through me…..I mean this couldn’t be right. He was involved with someone and so was I yet the thoughts running through my head could’ve had their own NC-17 rating. I felt like all was right with the world with him here….with me. No one and nothing else mattered to at this point. I wanted to kiss him……so damn bad. I wanted him to tell me that it was going to be ok…..that I had nothing else to worry about. I wanted to forget that my life was in shambles….

He pulled me damn near into his lap suddenly and I couldn’t resist the urge anymore…..

 

“What’s going through ya’ head Mo?”

“Too much for me to explain…so tell me…are you really happy with her?”

“…..She’s down for me Mo. She always has been…”

“I didn’t ask you that. I asked if you were HAPPY with her? Be honest with me..”

“Oh NOW you want honesty? When I tried to make something happen between us you blew me off…NOW you want honesty Mo? I let you play this back & forth game with me thinking that maybe one day you’d realize how bad I wanted you…”

“Don’t try and flip this on me! You knew how I felt about you! How I still damn feel about you! We are in a fcuked up situation right now but….”

“And WHOSE fault is that?? Mo you aren’t getting it are you?!  I’m not a mind reader. You run ya’ mouth any other time, so you need to tell me how the hell you feel!”

“Leave her…”

“….You don’t mean that Mo.You mad at me now right? I’m sorry”

“I’ve never been more serious….don’t back down now that I’m runnin’ my damn mouth! I want you to leave her…”

Were those words really coming from my mouth? By no means was I the type to bite my tongue for anyone but was I really bold enough to ask him to leave his chick? These extra hormones really give you a damn power up! Yet as quickly as I had spoken those words, the emotional rollercoaster set off and tears ran down my face. I spoke my piece so what it is that was making me so……sad? Why am I crying? What’s wrong with me?

 

For the few minutes, everything ceased to exist as he held me close to him, letting me cry into his chest. I felt all that I’d been holding back from the beginning of this whole ordeal up until now just release itself from me as I cried buckets. I really didn’t  know what I had signed up for by getting pregnant. This bi-polar fluctuation of emotions was going to take some getting used to. Now I felt embarrassed as hell that I’d let him see me this vulnerable. I just couldn’t win for anything! I wish I could run away from it all….I need a re-set button. A time machine…a do over card. Something!

“Mo…I got you. We’ll figure this out together….stop crying…I don’t want you upsettin’ our baby.”

We may not be perfect but he made me feel damn close…..I made him an offer that I hope he doesn’t refuse. I felt like I was Eve tempting him in the Garden of Good & Evil…and he took the bait.

She can kiss his ass buh~bye…..

Daddy’s home…..

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~ by Monae on April 2, 2010.

One Response to “Monae~Daddy’s Home”

  1. Whoo chile. I hope it works out!

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