Corey, Post #9: Karma…

Seeing a good friend can always warm the spirits when you are knee deep in bull-ish. I was cooling out after a long day of work when someone was drop-kicking my door. Before I could get the first N-Bomb out of my mouth, I realized who it was- my best friend and frat brother Juice.

“Coh-reeezy! What’s the beezeey my neezie?” Juice said in his goofy, nonsensical manner. I swore sometimes, if Juice was any goofier, he would be Tommy from Martin. Unlike Tommy, he had a great job. From the facebook updates I knew he was fresh out of Law School at LSU and started his own practice in New Orleans. But the thing I didn’t catch was his marital status. Apparently through the last three years of time, while working like a slave I completely missed Juice fall in love and propose. The last person I knew of him dating was Kristy, a chick that he had known since grade school. I know I looked completely oblivious. Shaq-Faced, I had to ask him the question as he rambled on about engagement without explaining who in the world he proposed to.

“Juice, please tell me that it isn’t…”


“Yeah, please not Kristy.” I went and grabbed a bottle of crown off the top of my refrigerator.

“Corey, you’ve lost your damned mind. Kristy? Ha! THIS is who I’m marrying.”

He pulled out a picture from his wallet and placed it face down. The white part of the photo paper was aged to an antique yellow, the corners were slightly folded and there was a coffee stain. Just like Juice to be very careful with things that were dear to him.

“As old as this picture looks, seems to me you’re marrying Betty White. Golden Girl much bro?”

I flipped the picture over, and it was a good thing I brought that crown over. That girl was definitely not Kristy, but she sure as hell came from my dreams. The wet ones, too. I wanted to hate, but my bro had good taste.

“Juice, does she have a sister?”

“Corey, she actually has a twin sister.”

I had to wash my astonishment down by taking the bottle of Crown to the head.

“Corey, If you’re going to share that Crown, I’ll tell you what happened to Kristy.”

I went and got two cocktail glasses, and sat like an eager scouter at a camp fire. Shoot, the Crown would keep me warm enough.

Kristy and Juice had always had a thing for each other, even when we were at PV. The problem was that Kristy stayed in New Orleans and didn’t want to be bothered with long distance loving. When Juice and I graduated from PV and headed our separate ways, he headed to Baton Rouge and I headed to Houston. Baton Rouge was just close enough for he and Kristy to get things rolling.

Law School: Year One

Kristy wanted to be with Juice so badly that she thought she was ready to be supportive through Law school. What she failed to realize was that Law School, akin to graduate school in general, is grueling the first year. Graduate School requires a serious commitment that some relationships can’t last through, and this one was no different. The problem was, she didn’t end the relationship with Juice, she ran multiple other relationships around Juice. He found out when dudes started calling his phone with the ignorant fool voice. You know, “Aye foo why yoo messin wit my guh?” calls.

The best part is that she never denied it. “Juice, you never have time for me except on Sundays. So I had to find some other people to keep my attention.” Juice was perplexed. And as fast as he got with her, he dropped her.

Was it worth it Kristy?

Law School: Year Two

Juice knocked his first year out and made it to the Law Honor College. On a full ride, he was further into his books than before.  Fortunately for him, he worked so hard, his work was frontloaded to give him a better work-life balance. He would  crush class work for four days and have Friday on to play. As he got ready to roll out to the club one Friday night, He opened his door to find Kristy in the doorway.

“Juice, I want to try again.”

“Kristy, why? So you can run this same bullshit game?”

“It’s like that Juice?”


“Well, fuck you then. I’m goin back to my real man.”

As she said that, she strolled back into the car in front of Juice’s house. She went back to her real man alright, he was sitting in the passenger’s side of the car, waiting for her to get her “things” from what he thought was Kristy’s Ex.

Same trifling stuff.

Law School: Graduation

Juice had just graduated Magna Cum Laude from Law School. Ready to take on the world, he went home to prepare for his graduation party. His mom was in the kitchen seasoning catfish to fry. His phone, going off in an almost perpetual manner, rang yet again. With his cheesy smile, he picked up the phone and answered.

“Juice, will you marry me?”

“Kristy, why do you even call?”

“That’s it. I’m so through with you Juice. I just wanted to have your back and be supportive through your last year of school. You just have one year to go!”

“Kristy, I just graduated today, with honors. My girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate you calling me on this foolishness.”

“Well fuck you then Juice! I just was really callin to tell you that I’m getting married. My boo is a supervisor at the State Penn. He makes good money AND he’s heading for a promotion. He stays taking care of me and you aint SHYT. Law students don’t make no money after school. And another…”

Click. Juice hung up.

The Opening of Juice Simmons Family and Divorce Law, New Orleans, LA.

Juice opened up his own private practice with the guarantee of free consultation. For the better part of his first three weeks of business, he dealt with the mundane, bizarre, and culpable, providing them the proper information to stay of child support- or get half of what she’s owed. Of course, people were going for the free consulting, but wouldn’t ever go to court. Needless to say, he was working towards broke.

As he tried to close up one night, a beautiful figure of a woman in a violet suit was running towards the door. Her honey dip blonde curls complemented her caramel complexion, and her piercing green eyes looked towards Juice. Juice was at a loss for words. Kristy had the nerve to show up to his job now? Ridiculous!

“Attorney Simmons, I need to discuss a divorce.”

Kristy, a teacher at Franklin High School, got off around lunch time for early dismissal. She decided to go to visit her husband for lunch at the Penitentiary outside of town. When she got there, she was in for a surprise. Kristy asked to go through the gate to see her husband, the guard at the gate laughed. She told Kristy that her husband hadn’t worked there for three years. Angered, she sped home, only to find her husband’s car in the driveway. When she walked in the house, she found her husband playing Playstation butt-naked with his mistress.

Turns out he had never been working the whole time he knew Kristy. When they started living together, he would put on his uniform and drive around the corner until she left home, then he’d come home and bring his other chicks over the house. He had used a mixture of unemployment checks and his other ladies money to pay bills.

Juice took her case, and lost resoundingly. She couldn’t prove she didn’t know he was unemployed the whole time they were married, so she had to pay alimony. The cars and house were in their name, so she had no choice but to continue to pay those too. She left the house to live with her mother when she found him playing Naked Madden, so  he got the house too because he proved he had nowhere to live. The bright side was that at least Juice acquired his first paycheck. The work he did to prevent the most extensive damage to Kristy’s bank account was so impressive, that he became one of the top referred attorneys in New Orleans.

Man,  Karma is a bitch.


~ by dtony1 on April 7, 2010.

2 Responses to “Corey, Post #9: Karma…”

  1. Part two! Part two! C’mon son! Lol

  2. Karma OHHH KARMA!!!!!! What a b*tch!!!

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