Monae~No Turning Back

I took a vacation….I needed to get away from it all….literally and figuratively. My life has been shaken up so much in these past couple of months that I was almost at my wit’s end. I fell in love….couldn’t let go of my past….got pregnant….tried to live a life of deceit….lost my baby……got dumped….who the hell WOULDN’T damn near lose it!? Once I arrived back to Miami, my girls were there and we all left the states for a week to cruise the Caribbean. It was a much needed break from the emotional topsy turvy rollercoaster I’d been on. I took some time to reflect on the events that had transpired. I started writing countless apologetic letters to Maurice pouring out my heartfelt emotions…..hoping I could find the right words to let him know how much I wanted him back…..how much my heart hurt because he was no longer a part of my life. The first couple of days were spent with me crying….I couldn’t bring myself to embrace just being away and I wasn’t able to relax. That quickly changed though once these chicks realized what I was putting myself through. I had to cold turkey quit him……that is always the worse form of letting go. I’m still here though….

Reality struck once I debarked the ship…..my mind was threatening to return back to its dark place but I wouldn’t allow that! Once I arrived home though, the messages started flowing in. There were harrassing emails from the now pregnant ex-fiancee. I really didn’t understand why the hell she was still flaring up about this. I wanted to say “Bitch you won! Leave me the fuck alone right now!” I refused to go there though. I wouldn’t give her the benefit of me entertaining that bs. I scanned the rest of my messages…hoping, hell wishing that one was from him. There was not a damn thing. No voicemails, no text messages, no emails. In the overflow of messages that had come in from a week’s time, none had Maurice’s name next to it. I felt the back of my eyes watering but I wasn’t about to cry over this shit again. I was done. I made my bed and I had to lie in it. As hard as it was, it never had to end up this way had I not been so intrigued with turning back.

I needed to move forward…..I had to make peace with my past so that it wouldn’t affect my present. Of course this is easier said than done! It took everything in me not to want to call Maurice just to hear his voice. I had to go so far as to leaving my Blackberry in the car so the temptation wouldn’t overtake me. Call me what you want, this is not an easy process to endure. It was getting late and my mind started racing. I had to get used to sleeping alone….again. I tried to fight the war that sleepiness was trying to wage on my body. I sat out on the balcony although I wasn’t too thrilled with Miami’s humidity factor even at almost 10 p.m. I was doing anything I could to keep from reminding myself that one side of the bed would no longer be occupied. I was trying to clear my head until I heard faint knocks on the front door….instant screw face until my emotions perked up! Wait…..could he have had a change of heart?!

I rushed from the balcony and did a quick check of myself in the mirror. I mean, who else could be poppin’ up to my house this late?! Thank God for one more chance to make things right! I was NOT about to let this thing go for anything in the world! My heart was beating so fast and my hands trembled as I went to open the door….yet the person I saw shocked me to no end. I stood frozen…speechless. I didn’t know what to say! He moved towards me in one step, grabbed my face in his hands and kissed the damn boyshorts off my ass……if that even makes sense. His whole demeanor spoke SO MUCH…!

I had to pull away and catch my breath…..

“Khoury?!?!……What?! Is?! This?!”

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~ by Monae on June 7, 2010.

4 Responses to “Monae~No Turning Back”

  1. I knew it I knew it I knew it!!!! 🙂 lol

  2. I swear y’all lives are like movies! I thought my life was crazy! Keep posting! I’m itching to know what happens next!

  3. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I knew it!!!

  4. I read the other post 1st so I had to come bk to this one BUT damn niggas ways wannashow up at the oddest times!! Wooow!

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