Monae~Last Time

I felt like I was going in circles. I had to take a step back and re-evaluate what was important in my life. I was so enanamored with fleeting thoughts of having some kind, hell ANY kind of relationship with a man that I was losing myself. I was becoming weak-minded and jealous. I felt so damn silly and I wasn’t a great judge of character anymore. I was allowing myself to be played. There was no valid reason for my behavior so I decided to disassociate myself from a lot of people. I needed the focus to return back to me. I guess you could say I went into a black hole for awhile. I didn’t make myself available to anything but work and I immersed myself headfirst. Of course as soon as you are start “doing you”, it’s like a radar goes off. All the people who you’re trying to purge yourself from start trickling through the cracks. After that last encounter with James, I deleted his number and his bbm from my Blackberry. I’ll be damned if I “share” another man. I was still getting calls from random numbers which I didn’t answer…..I refuse to put myself through it again. I was swamped with work anyway….I didn’t have time for that….

I needed a pick me up in my life…..something that screamed CHANGE! Something that whenever anyone saw me, their jaws dropped….so the day before my birthday, I cut off all of my hair. Ok not necessarily ALL of it….I just went really, REALLY short and mohawk-ish. I was as nervous as a virgin before her first time but I’ve gotten such rave reviews. It added a bit more pep to my step. I’ve turned more than enough heads but I’m still not ready for anything. I figure this is the last time I’m going to put anyone before myself. This is the last time that I won’t be more attentive to what’s best for me. It just annoys and embarrasses me to think of how thirsty I made myself look…..or how desperate I came across as. This is the last time. It had been three weeks since this “epiphany” and I felt like I’d done the right thing this time. I didn’t care who  didn’t like it….if they couldn’t be supportive then I didn’t need them anyway. This was a brand new Monae….I couldn’t be bothered with fools.

I felt stronger. I felt as though I could take on anything since my “break” from it all. Even my co-workers commented on my new attitude. I’m glad it was noticeable. I wanted it to be. I arrived back to my office and began powering down to leave for the day. I found myself reaching up for hair that was no longer there and laughed silently to myself. It would take some getting used to but I knew for damn sure I was still fly! While I was gathering my things I noticed a brown envelope left on my desk that was addressed to me. I shrugged it off as some unimportant interoffice mail but something urged me to open it right then. I absentmindedly tore the packaging and pulled out some paperwork that looked like forms. My face twisted in confusion for a minute until I took the time to actually read what was in front of me….

It was signed copies of James’ divorce papers…..


~ by Monae on September 15, 2010.

4 Responses to “Monae~Last Time”

  1. James’ divorce papers huh? Hmmmmmmmmm…. interesting.

  2. Law have mussy….

  3. Oh wow! So he really being serious?? What kinda spell you put on that man??

  4. Oh my…

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