Monae~Faded Pictures

I sat at the desk in my home office staring at the invitation in my hand…partly in shock and disbelief. My heart kind of flip flopped when I read the names that were so beautifully scripted on the delicate paper. I hadn’t been personally invited but someone I knew felt the need to let me in on this affair. Moments later my email notification chimed and I was pulled from my trance to see the wedding album link boldly standing out in my inbox. I hesitated before clicking. I don’t know if I was afraid of what I’d see…or afraid of my reaction. The “eff it” mentality kicked in and I went ahead and perused every single picture. Khoury and Shaunie…MARRIED. They had a full blown wedding at that…no courthouse rockin’ over there. Although the proof was right in my face it still seemed unreal. There was a picture of the both of them and Shaunie was cradling a baby boy that was the spitting image of his father. I was at a loss for words…I needed a drink.

I had to pull myself together before Maurice arrived. He was cooking dinner for us tonight and my mind was still in another place. I didn’t need this outside interference as I prepared to possibly leave Miami behind in order to maintain a lifestyle I’d become accustomed to courtesy of my job. I was still awaiting the word in regards to my placement. I had been on pins and needles since the day they announced the closing. The documents would be delivered so I jumped at every sound…imagined doorbell rings…it was enough to drive me crazy. I suddenly felt flushed…I could really go without hearing about one more baby or wedding announcement. Damn…he was married. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I started cleaning up to rid myself of the nervous energy but all I could think about were those wedding pictures. The smiling faces…they all seemed to be taunting me. Finding forever is such a beautiful thing and I hope to be as lucky one day. My track record was beyond discouraging and it was a constant reminder of my disappointments.

I had to put on my happy face though and I let Maurice wine and dine me. We weren’t on the relationship road but it was nice to have his company. He was a welcomed part of my world and he kept me sane. I think he could tell I had a lot on my mind but he didn’t question me about it until after we had pigged out on his shrimp creole and had parked ourselves in front of the Wii. We had every intention on playing….well scratch that…HE wanted to play. I just wanted to lay…down or something.

“You wanna talk about it Mo?”

My face frowned in confusion….”Talk about what?”

He came to sit next to me…grabbed my hands in his and we were just silent with each other for a while.

Your job…your having to move…you can’t just keep everything bottled up. I know something’s bothering you.”

I couldn’t look at him in fear of breaking down completely…even when everything seemed calm in my world there was never enough peace of mind. I was saved by the ringing of the doorbell and couldn’t get up quick enough. I lowkey wiped the tears that were threatening to fall before he could catch wind of my emotional warfare and opened the door to face my future. I signed and retrieved my documents from the delivery guy and headed back to the living room. I sat down and all of a sudden became nervous. My heart was threatening to beat its way outside of my chest. I didn’t have the strength for this.

“Maurice…would you..”

He took the envelope from my hand and opened it. There was a small stack of papers and I immediately assumed that they had placed me in west no man’s land Kentucky alone. At that moment I wanted to hate them for making me suffer like this…especially at this point in my life.

“Wow…”

I looked up at him and wished I would’ve opened it myself.

“Wow what? Is it bad?? Where am I going??? Is it far?? Wait, don’t tell me…let me see it. No…ugh what’s the verdict?!?”

“North Carolina Mo…they placed you in North Carolina.”

He and I looked at each other…and in that moment…the pictures began to fade…farewell Miami.

Life has a funny way of turning out…

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~ by Monae on December 3, 2010.

One Response to “Monae~Faded Pictures”

  1. *speechless*

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