Monae~Brand New

Change is inevitable. Trying to avoid it is impossible…some change is for the better. Other times…not so much. I’ve endured as much as I could but every woman has a breaking point…and I believe I’ve reached mine. I guess you can say I’ve gotten a bit brand new. I’m a newly promoted senior analyst at my job. I’ve got my own place…I don’t have claim to any rugrats…yet I still don’t feel completely happy. I’m tired of playing by the rules because it’s gotten me nowhere fast. So yes, I’m overdue for a major change. A change that most won’t agree with but I’ve only got one life to live and I intend to be happy while I’m at it.

As I dined alone on Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t help but ponder on all the “what ifs” and had I not been kicked to the curb for last minute boo thangs, I wouldn’t have had time to dwell on certain issues in my life. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop though and just being in that atmosphere by my lonesome had me feeling some type of way. I felt as though everyone’s stares were “Killing Me Softly” a la Roberta Flack. As though they knew my life without me even having to give them any words. The girl, who had only hours before, been so self-confident about taking herself out was now drowning in self pity…at that very moment I felt so out of place. I laid some bills on the table and quietly made my exit.

I was so unnerved as I walked the city. I wasn’t ready to drive back home just to sit in the house alone. My mind drifted back to Darrius. On paper he was perfect but he lacked so much more in other areas. He was still letting his friends dictate his life…he spoke of he and I building on something together…but only behind closed doors. Amongst company he was a totally different person and I couldn’t tolerate that. I was literally dating my own personal Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Sometimes I wish I had waited on cutting ties…only for my own selfish reasons…until I received some news that brought about this change.

I stopped for a drink and to ponder on this decision that would shake up my life as well as the party involved. I had been down this road before and chose to play it safe but now…I was flirting more closely with danger and playing with fire. I was willing to take my chances…well behaved women rarely made history.

I pulled out my Blackberry to make the call that I’d been putting off for over a week now. I scrolled to his number and pressed send…when he answered I could hear the satisfaction oozing from his voice. He told me to call when I was ready and that’s just what I did…

I was ready…for whatever. I was tired of not being able to beat the crowd by being different so why not join them?? Besides…what his wife didn’t know…wouldn’t hurt her.

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~ by Monae on February 23, 2011.

One Response to “Monae~Brand New”

  1. Oooh! Please don’t get caught up, you just left all your drama in FL for a new start.

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