“For Better or For Worse” – Veronica

I walked to a bench on the back side of the restaurant to sit down and think. My marriage could possibly go down in flames. It had only been 8 months and the novelty was gone. It was more work than I expected. Most couples fight about sex or finances. RJ and I never had problems in those areas. I’m not sure what our problem was. I thought we weathered every storm imaginable. Honestly I was never told HOW TO LOVE. I just figured that if I loved someone the way that I wanted to be loved, then everything would fall into place. I wasn’t even sure how to fight for my marriage. At the time, getting married just made sense. No one in my family gave me any forewarnings or advice…only their blessing. Maybe they had more faith in me than I had in myself.

I was never the little girl who dreamt of her perfect wedding day. Since I was eight years old, I wanted to be a lawyer. Or a singer or something. All I ever wanted was a career. I had the career and I unexpectedly fell in love along the way. I truly believed RJ had complete control over my heart. There was no way I’d leave. He knew it. And I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew his son came first. But I needed to figure out how to save my marriage. If this meant the possibility of fertility clinics or surrogacy or whatever, I’d do it. It seemed like all RJ ever wanted was a real family. That was why he wanted to have his son closer. If I gave him a child, maybe it would bring US closer.

I felt a presence standing over me. I looked up and saw RJ’s smiling face. I smiled, grabbed his hand and stood to hug him. He held me for what seemed like an eternity. We went home to reclaim the passion that we’d lost. In that moment I sincerely wished that I could give him a child. That hurt more than I thought.I knew I was safe here with RJ. This made sense. But I’m not sure if I’m done experiencing what the world has to offer…..

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~ by A. Nicole on February 24, 2011.

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