Monae~Hard To Resist

I was sitting on the balcony admiring the skyline during a recent trip when the call came. My heart began to race once my photographic memory recognized the number that flashed on the screen. I hadn’t heard from him in weeks and thought that he would forever remain a memory after the last encounter. I stared at the ringing phone before I finally answered. It was hard for me to play tough as nails like I had done during the time I refused to contact him. My voice instantly softened when he spoke and I was putty all over again. He reiterates how I must really hate him because I haven’t contacted him in weeks…how I must not care…how he misses me so. **sigh** Why is he taking me through this again…better yet, why am I allowing myself to be a subject for it? I listen to his conversation and struggle not to have a complete meltdown. I nonchalantly tell him I’ll see him once I’m back in town“I miss you…”  There he goes again…making me want to feel things I shouldn’t. I tell him I’m on my way out and we’ll talk later. My face is flushed…and then I find myself texting him “I miss you too…”

I woke up to “Good Morning beautiful” text messages the next day. I’m sure he knew he accomplished what he set out to do…which was to get up in my head AGAIN. He succeeded…because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t wait to get back to him…yet he still wasn’t completely mine. I was in my feelings again and it was hard to crawl back out. I didn’t want to fall into the same routine only to end up having it blow up in my face again. I tried to reprogram my brain…no expectations means no disappointments. It’s hard though…especially in regards to matters of the heart. As I boarded my plane back to reality I could only hope that he was  sincerely ready for what he initially asked for.

A couple days went by and I fell back into my regular routine of filling up my days so that my nights would only be consumed with sleep. Of course my heart was set on seeing him as soon as my plane touched down but I didn’t hold my breath on that. I had to remind myself he was still a man…he still wasn’t mine. He invites me over. I didn’t expect to do anything but talk about what needed to change so that we could finally have some sort of normalcy.

One minute I’m telling him about my trip. We’re kicked back watching “Behind The Music” and laughing about jheri curls and weird names. Soon he’s pulling me into his arms…kissing me…taking off my dress…whispering in my ear gettin’ some straightenin’ about my attitudinal issues. I’m weak…he wasn’t making it easy for me to turn him away. His arms kept me close…his lips wouldn’t leave mine…his d–k told me countless times…every stroke…I…MISS…YOU. Every long stare…every ego blast…every position change…every time he grabbed my hands and interlocked his fingers with mine…I was fallin’ yet again.  Intense make-up sex without a break up…why is he so hard to resist???

~ by Monae on July 7, 2011.

3 Responses to “Monae~Hard To Resist”


  2. Chiiillleee! i know the feeling… smh cuz I’ve been there. *glad you guys are back!*

  3. Who is it????

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