Monae~Smoke & Mirrors

It was 10:33 P.M. on a weekend and I was  still home…with no plans. I suggested that he and I hang out Saturday night. He stated that he was cool with it…until Saturday night comes and I hear nothing from him. I wanted to be irate…after all this isn’t the first time he’s pulled a stunt like this. I just couldn’t muster up enough energy to be angry about it this time around. It was as if  I already expected him to not keep his word. Three years later and he still hasn’t changed. I wanted him to be different. I wanted to believe that it could work. The whole situation shouldn’t be this hard.

I entertained thoughts of calling his phone repeatedly until he answered. I contemplated riding past his house to see if his car was still in the driveway. Was I not worth the small consideration of, “Not tonight. Let’s plan for another time”? A simple text or phone call would suffice. Instead I’m sitting  here  steaming while all kinds of hateful thoughts run through my mind. The communication issues were evident between us. That was what caused me to to attempt to erase him from my life the last time. But he showed up yet again…asking what did I need from him and what did he need to do to show me that this time wasn’t a game.

An hour later I found myself in the car and on my way…to HIM. He had called apologizing profusely…claiming he’d fallen asleep and didn’t realize it was so late…blah, blah, blah. My eyes narrowed as he explained and I tried to dismiss his ass altogether but I still really just wanted to see him. I arrived and sat myself on his couch almost yards away from where he was. I knew he could sense that I wasn’t really feeling his flakiness. The back and forth game was getting old. Either he was with me or he wasn’t. The days he acted as though he cared made my heart soar over the moon and then the other days…

He grabbed my hand and led me to his room where he began to apologize in a major way. The sounds were echoing loudly off the walls. My toes were curled…my back was arched…my thighs were already aching but in spite of my heart tellin’ me that it was just smoke and mirrors I was giving in to him. He kept staring into my eyes and tellin’ me the d**k was mine…totally stroking my ego BIG TIME. He had me like putty in his hands. I wrapped my legs around his back to pull him closer when he leans in near my face to whisper, “Have my baby.”

Say what???

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~ by Monae on July 13, 2011.

One Response to “Monae~Smoke & Mirrors”

  1. Noooooooo!!! That is so a page from my life! Don’t give in to him and have a kid. He’s gotta go.

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