Monae~Different Strokes

I tried to backtrack… did I miss the signs? Maybe the feelings I had for him led me blindly to believe otherwise. We’d only known each other a short time but…everything meshed SO well. It was if we were friends forever who had just realized this amazing attraction to the other. After this debacle I’m convinced that my choices in men are faulty. Every guy I’m attracted to has major issues…and in this special case, secrets.

We had reconnected a couple of months earlier. I’ll admit that he was a breath of fresh air after awhile of having had no meaningful interactions. We went from talking every couple of days to communicating damn near 25/8. “Good morning” texts turned into full day chat sessions at work which then turned into Skype sessions in the evening. I had fallen…and so quickly at that. I didn’t want to give in to everything that I was feeling so I played Ms. Levelheaded. Ever the pessimist in situations deemed too good to be true, I was at war with the words my heart whispered. “Surely this couldn’t be Mr. Right.” …we made plans for a future…without even knowing if the future would exist for us. I was excited yet unnerved…could I be headed into a serious relationship? I toyed with the thought until…

He resisted praying. When inquired as to why, his response, “I just don’t believe.” To say that I was disappointed would only be putting it lightly. How could this seemingly amazing guy not have any religious belief? How could I even realistically think of spending my life with him? Devastation set in and I felt as though I was being punished for ill made decisions made in my past. I made a decision to remove myself but against my better judgment, I jumped back in headfirst. My brain swam with one too many “What if?” scenarios. My standpoint was that I’d worry about any repercussions later…if only I’d known then what I know now.

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~ by Monae on November 29, 2011.

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