Chasing Old Habits-Veronica

I woke up to an empty apartment. No smells of coffee or anything. I honestly didn’t care where RJ was at that moment. I spent the morning working out and answering some emails from friends. Keeping busy kept my mind off serious business and maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I think too much. As the afternoon went on, I realized how much I was enjoying my time alone. I silently prayed that RJ wouldn’t return until later in the evening.

I decided to tackle a closet that needed cleaning. As soon as I opened the door a huge box fell on my head. It was full of yearbooks and greek paraphernalia. All the memories of college, the good life. I was about to tape the box up when something told me to look in the bottom. My old diary and a pencil case. The pencil case contained old letters and pictures of me and Marques, my first boyfriend.

Thoughts of falling in love for the first time raced through my mind. Why couldn’t falling in love be that simple? Its so much easier to fall head first when you don’t think breaking up or falling out of love is possible. I guess I missed Marques. Or maybe I missed the innocence of the relationship. Something told me to call him. And I did. We spent five hours on the phone talking about the past and our current relationships. The call was completely innocent until I felt flutters in my belly and he asked me a question.

He asked to see me..not just for dinner. For the weekend. As a married woman I should’ve immediately said no. Marques asked me again and I didn’t respond. He asked me for my email address so I gave it to him, not bothering to ask why. We hung up and i went to the kitchen to pour a shot of whatever alcohol I could find. I returned to the laptop and I saw an email with my name in the subject followed by the word “itinerary.” Marques had just bought me a ticket to come see him. I knew I was going to hell for even entertaining this.

The door opened and closed, followed by RJ’s voice. I walked into the kitchen to see him holding a gift-wrapped box and some flowers. “Happy Anniversary” he yelled. Damn was I really that gone that I forgot my own anniversary? RJ kissed me after putting the boxes down and ran to the freezer to get out our bootleg cake since we didn’t have a real wedding.

It was a mini version of our favorite dulce de leche cake from the cuban bakery down the street. Tears ran down my face as I cried in RJ’s arms. I have a great husband and career, so why do I feel like I’m missing something?


~ by A. Nicole on May 14, 2012.

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