I should feel bad right now…but I don’t. I should gather my clothing…what little of it I have, dress myself and leave…but I won’t. I should’ve put myself in her shoes…but I didn’t. I quickly found myself indulging in the company of an old friend. Innocent enough yes, but when that sense of familiarity tugs at your heart and the old feelings become too hard to ignore…you’re reminiscing on what was BEFORE. Empty glasses of wine form their own collection around you. Subtle touches begin to linger and laughter starts to fades out like handwritten messages in the sand and soon…it’s morning. You’re waking up, cuddled up, sheets tangled, hair wild, fingers intertwined, his breathing on your neck. Do I love him still??

I tried to disengage myself from his warmth. Any attempt to reposition was met with him holding me tighter…pulling me closer. Faint moans against my neck…when did I learn not to consider the consequences? When did I become so reckless…so full of myself? Khoury was just what the doctor ordered…even though I overdosed. The cure for my problems was wrongly prescribed…this high dosage was taken inadvertently and NOW I was making a weak ass attempt to come down from my high. The thoughts began to flood my brain…he’s married. He has children. They’re a family. Where do I fit into this equation? A small voice interrupted with, “But he’s here…with you. Not her.” Inside, I was bitter at the facts but the part of me that lacks common sense rejoiced merely at his presence.

Stirring in his sleep, his warm hand rubbing down my belly…he kisses my neck.

“I love you Mo…”

“Yeah. I know.”

I really should feel like shit right now…but I don’t.


~ by Monae on September 17, 2012.

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