Trust Issues~Milan


He’d flown me out to join him on his yacht in the middle of the alluring aquamarine waters of Bermuda. We sipped on Rum Swizzles in the evenings and woke up bathed in sunlight to dine on fresh fruit and warm, flaky croissants with bay grape jelly. Every morning, as I lay lazily on the beach sand working on my bronze, I watched him put his body through intense physical training even though this was his off season. He always kept himself in shape. I smiled to myself thinking of the workout he put my body through the night before. My thighs clenched and in an instant he was standing over me blocking my natural bronzer.

“Really Gray? You’re standing in the way of my greatness babe.”

He said nothing…instead lifting me up from my spot and hugging me close to him. He smelled of tropical sunscreen and his body dripped with sweat. I felt my pulse racing and fought to get out of his grasp. He only tightened his grip on me and seemingly my heart as well.

“Come. Run with me.

“Babe you know I’m in no kind of shape to be doing anyth..” He cut me off with that charming laughter.

“Your body was def in shape and up for that challenge at 3 a.m. though. Let’s go.”

He darted off and left me standing with my mouth wide ass open. He loved to play dirty.


Warren Gray…NFL football star. On again, off again romantic interest. He held the key to many things and was aiming for the one that led to my heart. I seriously considered the thought of handing over the combination to that lock. After receiving that anonymous card with evidence of my part played in the murder of K.B., I took some time to reevaluate my purpose. I even sought out a therapist but decided to not incriminate myself any further. All I wanted was to live a normal life…with a normal man and do normal shit. I didn’t want to have to keep taking a hiatus on life whenever I completed a “job” in fear of retaliation although my work was more than thorough.


As 2013 rolled in, I lay cuddled next to one of the men who wanted to give me the world and more. And who am I turn down amazing dick and yacht trips? But I also knew it was time for me to face my trust issues. I deserved so much more than I was allowing myself to receive.


~ by Monae on January 11, 2013.

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