Corey, Post#4: One Man’s Trophy is Another’s True Love

The Married woman foolishness led me to want to lay low and be solo for awhile. In my Solo-Dolo-ness, I still continued to help my friends with their relationship woes. Of course, most of my relationship advice was doled out to Angie, who had a particularly interesting situation with her fiancee, Sheng. Sheng is my frat brother, an affluent Black and Chinese brotha with a close likeness to Pharell. Even though he looked like one of my favorite musicians, his disposition was very far from it.

He may have looked like Skateboard P, but his actions were far from him

Sheng was one of those dudes who thought that a woman had to be so submissive, that I would consider it slavery. He wanted Angie to squash her dreams of gaining her PhD to be a Trophy wife. A brainless one at that. That Stepford Wife foolishness is not the business for an intelligent queen like Angie. He could tell that I didn’t like that shit because I didn’t like him. I never met him in person a single flipping time they have dated in two years and they are engaged now. I didn’t even like the way he proposed to her- He left the ring on her door step with a fucking card. No nuts. He’s dodged me, and its pissed me off for way too long. Hell, I even reserved the two of them a room in the host hotel for the Frat formal and he “promised” that he bought the tickets for the wrong date. Don’t play with my money.

When Angie is placed in compromising situations, she generally beats around the bush until it doesn’t have any leaves. When she wants my opinion on a situation, she asks me to put myself in a situation. When she called me, she did her rituals that she always does when she has an issue. She loudly slurps her drink, sighs deeply and then starts the first question. “Auuugghhhh, Corey! Sooo, let’s say you are getting married, right? “

“Angie, the hell did this fool tell you?”

“Well, he told me he wants me to go on a date…with another man.”

At this time, I spoke akin to the way that I would text- or tweet. *blank stare.* I stared at the phone, and Angie knew it, because she continued to loudly kick back the end of this martini, and begin to shake around the instant replay. “Angie, maybe it’s just cold feet. Ask him where the hell he got that premise from, and laugh it off.” She deeply sighed, and told me she call me back afterwards. When she called me back, what she told me almost made me drop my phone. “His homeboys said that it would be a good idea.”

“Angie, are any of them married?”

“No.”

“Are they in engaged? Girlfriends? Do they have a freaking cut buddy?”

“Ugh, No. They are all single and bitter from old flames.”

This reminded me of some bullshit high school gossip from cheerleaders, or the glee club or something. I knew it was a violation of Man-Law though.

Man Law #522741: Man-Gossip: According to the Boondocks Season 2: Episode 7: The Attack of the Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch, due to the fact that we expect women not to listen to their bitter friends, therefore, men should not solicit advice from their friends that use terms such as 1.Fuck these Hoes 2.Bitch(es) or other jargon that would allude that they are bitter men.

So it has been written. I refer to this rule all of the time, as I at least attempt to be a good friend and advice provider. Bitter people will always take you down. You are who you associate with.

Men and Women who gossip look like fools.

She sipped more of her martini. I could tell she was really hurt. I told her she needed to talk to him about this bullshit premise he got from these idiots. She told me she was going to meet him after work at his apartment. And this is where things turned more left than they already were. I got a call the next day from Angie. “Corey, he changed the tickets to a week after your frat formal. He never wanted to meet you. I’m leaving his place now I can’t talk to him.”

Angie called me again late that evening, explaining to me that she got into it with Sheng. He begged for her to go on a date again. Even though she was mad at him, you could tell that she was not prepared to call her engagement off. After all, it was years in the making. To spite Sheng, she felt she had to find a date and go on it just to get him to shut the hell up. I agreed as long as she set me up to give her punk ass fiancée a piece of my mind before they get married. The problem was finding a date.

The only person that could find her a date was our mutual friend, Jerome. Jerome was not your conventional matchmaker. In fact, he was more similar to Quagmire from Family guy if anything. If he wasn’t running through the multitude of women like a Spartan in 300, he was playing basketball or skipping class at Bethune Cookman. And that’s why the person he chose was ironic, because it made perfect sense.

Jerome picked Cyrus Hugo. His name sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie because he may as well been a trekkie. He was the antithesis of every one of Angie’s exes: She liked tall, muscular jocks, and Cyrus, despite being tall, was no one’s jock. He was the president of the Model UN at Prairie View and generally preferred his Wii over anything. And he was no one’s rich boy. The craziest thing is that Cyrus and Angie went to High School and College together and only knew of each other indirectly. What were the chances? I loved it, and so did Angie. He was the complete opposite of Sheng. Jerome set them to meet up at Orlando’s CityWalk, and I anxiously awaited details. I’m sure that Sheng did too.

Cyrus Hugo, man of the hour, and possibly Prince Charming?

“Soo…Angie…how did it go?”

“Cyrus was amazingly nice. It was so refreshing!”

“What did you do? Did he lay it down? Hahaha!” I was sarcastically serious when I asked that question.

“We laughed at tourists and went to NBA City. That was it. But he treated me like a person, and not a hood ornament. I’m happy.”

Go figure. Ironically, the generic story of how money can’t make you happy rang true. “Speaking of happy Angie, what did Sheng say?”

“He was mad I went on the date AND enjoyed it. He asked for the engagement ring.”

“No shit? So did you give it to him?”

“I left it on his doorstep with his apartment keys, wrapped in the changed flight confirmation. Serves his ass right. Why would you ask me to go on a date, and be mad when I do?”

Man rule #4: Don’t ask anyone to do something you don’t want them to do, or questions you don’t want an honest answer to.

A diagram of Sheng's loss to Cyrus. Such a Fail.

Fast forward to present day. In months, Angie and Cyrus will be getting married, and I’ll be in my first wedding as a grooms man for the first time. Elijah will be the ring bearer. It gives me hope to know that God uses the most unsuspecting situation to bind two people for life. I was a witness.

Back to Angie and I’s convo. Due to the fact that I trusted her judgement, I was forced to date again by her. She sensed the lonliness in my voice, and that I was becoming a bit of a recluse. I had the choice to either trust her friends in Texas or try and meet someone through social networking. Shit. Back between a rock and a hard place.

Soundtrack for Post 4: Murs and 9th Wonder: Love and Appreciate and Little Brother: That Ain’t Love

~ by dtony1 on January 4, 2010.